BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER – 96% OF OUR FORMER COUPLES WOULD RECOMMEND OUR PROGRAM TO YOU IF YOUR MARRIAGE NEEDED HELP! CALL US AT 800-975-8748.

“Love grows. Lust wastes by Enjoyment, and the Reason is, that one springs from a Union of Souls, and the other from a Union of Sense.”
William Penn

A question from one of our listeners, “Dr. Smalley, Please share with me how the Lord gave you victory over lustful thoughts, especially sexual thoughts. In Jesus’ name.”

1 Peter 2:11 NLT “Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.”

TED Talks – Philip Zimbardo: The demise of guys (http://www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge.html)

The difference between Porn addiction and all other addictions!

1. The difference between our conscience mind and our heart
2. What’s in our heart, flows
Galatians 5:13-14
“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
3. Change our heart through excited new thoughts, which overshadow the old ones

Gary’s favorite verse to memorize and meditate on!
John 15:9-14
“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. 10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. 11 I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! 12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. 13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SMALLEY CENTER – 8 OUT OF 10 COUPLES ARE STILL TOGETHER AND HAPPILY MARRIED…EVEN WHEN THEY THOUGHT THERE WASN’T A CHANCE FOR THEIR MARRIAGE! FIND OUT HOW AT HERE OR CALL US AT 800.975.8748.

FEATURED RESOURCE

BUY NOW

ARTIST HIGHLIGHT

FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes

BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER – 96% OF OUR FORMER COUPLES WOULD RECOMMEND OUR PROGRAM TO YOU IF YOUR MARRIAGE NEEDED HELP! SMALLEY CENTER OR CALL US AT 800-975-8748 THAT’S 800-975-8748.

7 Ways to Defuse a Difficult Encounter

Having learned the hard way, Vancouver physician (and PT blogger) Susan Biali offers concrete steps for dealing with unreasonable person.
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life)

1. Minimize time with problem people.
 [I always say “short and simple”]
2. Give up the dream that they will one day be the person you wish them to be. There are people in our lives who have moments when they seem to be the parent/partner/spouse/friend/whatever we’ve always wanted. Yet they end up disappointing or hurting us. Accepting the person as is can be a remarkable relief.
3. Avoid topics that get you into trouble. Before any interaction with a difficult person, mentally review the topics that invite attack and make an effort to avoid them. If your in-laws always demean your choice of career, change the topic immediately if they ask how your work is going.
4. Don’t try to get them to see your point of view. Don’t try to explain yourself or get them to empathize with you.They won’t. And you’ll just feel worse for trying.

The problem with difficult people, for me, is that they don’t want to change. Please pay attention to #1!

I was speaking to a group of youth pastors….when out on a date with your spouse, how do you tell someone who’s called you and has an emergency that you can’t come and help them? Don’t answer the phone!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SMALLEY CENTER – 8 OUT OF 10 COUPLES ARE STILL TOGETHER AND HAPPILY MARRIED…EVEN WHEN THEY THOUGHT THERE WASN’T A CHANCE FOR THEIR MARRIAGE! FIND OUT HOW HERE OR CALL US AT 800.975.8748 THAT’S 800.975.8748.

FEATURED RESOURCE FROM THE SHOW

Buy Now

ARTIST HIGHLIGHT

FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes

In today’s show you will….

• To divorce or not to divorce….that is the question on today’s show where you will learn
• What a new form of couples therapy is all about called “Discernment Counseling” started by Bill Doherty, from the University of Minnesota.
• And the signs of whether you should call it quits or if you should hang in there!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER – 96% OF OUR FORMER COUPLES WOULD RECOMMEND OUR PROGRAM TO YOU IF YOUR MARRIAGE NEEDED HELP! SMALLEYCENTER.COM OR CALL US AT 800-975-8748 THAT’S 800-975-8748.

CLIP FROM RICKY BOBBY

Why that clip? Because the first priority of today’s show is to make sure that everyone listening fully understands how stupid divorce is. Now don’t feel ashamed if you’ve already been divorced, but you actually know what I’m talking about!

Discernment Counseling is…

1. Makes a couple decide what they are doing in counseling
2. Puts them on a track right from the beginning

This is what I do in intensives, so I like it, but the research is still out.

So when should you call it quits?

Physical or emotional abuse. (listen to the show on what defines emotional abuse)

When should you hang in there?

• Poor communication or conflict resolution
• That’s it! There’s not a million other reasons!

HIGHLIGHTED RESOURCES ON THE SHOW

The Surprising Way to a Stronger Marriage – click here

ARTIST HIGHLIGHT

FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes

• Understand what Jesus taught about compassion and what that matters to your relationship.
• Finally understand why Jesus probably didn’t really care about slapping so much, as he did about your attitude toward the people who irritate you the most!
• The easiest way to win an argument

BROUGHT TO YOU BY SMALLEY CENTER – 96% OF OUR FORMER COUPLES WOULD RECOMMEND OUR PROGRAM TO YOU IF YOUR MARRIAGE NEEDED HELP!

Mark Opperman, a pastor, once said this “We must be more concerned with showing the generous love of God than with receiving proper treatment from others.”

Teaches about Revenge (this is really about compassion)
Matthew 5:38-42 NLT 38 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’39 But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.40 If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.41 If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile,t carry it two miles. 42 Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.

Point #1 – Be who you want others to be! Show it, and stop expecting it.

Point #2 – If they don’t respond, get over it. They eventually will unless you somehow managed to marry pure evil.

Point #3 – The easiest way to win an argument, think about what you are wanting, and then give that to them.

Purchase Today – click here
A how-to book for men that seeks to clarify distinctions between the sexes with a view toward building a stronger marital relationship with this understanding.

ARTIST HIGHLIGHT

FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes

RESOURCE HIGHLIGHT

Click here to purchase today.

ARTIST HIGHLIGHT

FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes

Here’s a working list of Jesus’ Commands:

This is a list I’ve (Gary) found that really helped me start meditating and memorizing Jesus’ commands…

• Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve (Mt.4:10).
• Repent (Mt.4:17).
• Follow me (Mt.4:19).
• Rejoice when you are persecuted (Mt.5:12).
• Let your light shine before men (Mt.5:16).
• Don’t break or despise even the least of God’s commandments (Mt.5:19).
• Don’t be angry with your brother (Mt.5:22).
• Be reconciled with your neighbor before approaching God in worship (Mt.5:24).
• Don’t look at a woman to lust for her (Mt.5:28).
• Be radical in resisting sin (cutting off the right hand) (Mt.5:30).
• Don’t swear frivolously (Mt.5:34).
• Be meek; don’t seek your rights (Mt.5:38-40).
• Love your enemy (Mt.5:44).
• Bless those who curse you (Mt.5:44).
• Do good to those who hate you (Mt.5:44).
• Pray for your abusers (Mt.5:44).
• Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect (Mt.5:48).
• Don’t be a show-off in your profession of faith (Mt.6:1ff.).
• Don’t be short-sighted in storing up your treasures: think of the after-life (Mt.6:19-21).
• Be wholly devoted in your service to God (Mt.6:24).
• Don’t worry; don’t be anxious (Mt.6:25ff.).
• Don’t be judgmental and censorious (Mt.7:1ff.).
• Don’t give what is holy to the dogs (Mt.7:6).
• Pray fervently and persistently (Mt.7:7ff.).
• Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them (Mt.7:12).
• Seek salvation God’s way: enter by the narrow way (Mt.7:13).
• Take heed of false prophets (Mt.7:15).
• Test the false prophets by their works, and by whether their doctrine accords with Scripture (Mt.7:16ff.).
• Don’t just listen to my teaching: obey it and do it (Mt.7:24ff.).
• Be concerned about missions (Mt.9:37,38).
• Confess me before men (Mt.10:32).
• Be willing to lose your life for my sake (Mt.10:39).
• Don’t be offended because of me (Mt.11:4-6).
• Take my yoke upon you and learn of me (Mt.11:29).
• Take heed of your speech (Mt.12:36).
• Don’t add tradition or anything else to the Word of God (Mt.15:1-9).
• Beware of hypocrisy (Mt.16:5).
• Practice self-denial (Mt.16:24).
• Take up the cross (Mt.16:24).
• Humble yourself (Mt.18:4,5).
• Be careful not to offend the least of believers (Mt.18:6,7).
• Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones (Mt.18:10).
• Practice healthy and loving church discipline (Mt.18:15-20).
• Forgive everyone at all times and at every occasion for whatever offenses he commits against you (Mt.18:21ff.).
• Don’t divorce your wife (Mt.19:1ff.).
• Let the little children come to me (Mt.19:13).
• Obey the Ten Commandments (Mt.19:16-22).
• Don’t profane divine ordinances (Mt.21:12-13).
• Have faith in God; do not doubt Him (Mt.21:21,22).
• Render to Caesar his due and to God His due (Mt.22:21).
• Love the Lord your God with all your being (Mt.22:37,38).
• Love all fellow-men as you love yourself (Mt.22:39).
• Observe the Supper in my remembrance (Mt.26:26-29).
• Don’t tempt God (Mt. 4:7)

Make sure you do your part in protecting yourself to the best of your ability by only joining reputable dating sites. I like sites that do background checks and other security measures to protect its members. And stay away from meat-market sites, gravitate toward matching sites that guide you in the right direction.

This has been a Smalley Short, brought to you by smalleycenter.com. Find out why 96% of former couples would recommend our program to a couple in crisis.

I’m often asked what the most important thing is a single should look for in a future spouse. My answer is more than likely hardly satisfying, but it’s true, and based on over 17-years of working with couples.

That is up to you! I tell them. There are many important things you need to look for in a future spouse. Important things like faith, family, personality, future goals, parenting style, etc. But out of these areas, what is the most important to you? What’s the deal breaker for you? If you don’t know the answer to this question, then you’re at risk to meeting and marrying the wrong person.

This has been a Smalley Short, and was brought to you by smalleycenter.com. Find out why 96% of former couples would recommend our program to a couple in crisis.

Dating doesn’t have to be miserable. Too many singles today get frustrated because they become desperate to find the “perfect” person to marry. But here’s a little, unknown secret. You’ll never find the perfect person. In fact, you can never find the right person because of a little problem called sin!

No matter who you find, where you meet them, when you meet them, what family they come from, how long they’ve been a Christian, no matter the circumstances, whoever you meet will always have a problem with sin. So don’t be focused on perfection, but instead, be focused on Christ. The rest will work itself out.

This has been a Smalley Short, and was brought to you by smalleycenter.com. Find out why 96% of former couples would recommend our program to a couple in crisis.

An excellent resource for your relationships!
Based on our Smalley Intensive program that over 96% of alumni couples would recommend to a friend in need! Purchase Here

ARTIST HIGHLIGHT

FOURTEEN40 – Lucky Number 13 – Click here to view on iTunes

Here is a list of the verses we talked about that you can begin downloading now - 100 + Verses

p.s. We are still working on a good link to the test on pride, the old link is dead and there’s not another good one out there that we’ve found yet.

An excellent book dealing with the 4 parasites and more!

Purchase a copy today – click here

Another great resource dealing with the 4 Parasites

Purchase a copy today – click here

Have you asked your kids how you’re doing lately as a parent? Now pick your jaw up off the floor and give me a few more seconds to convince you why this is an important question to ask your children.

You are not perfect, which means your parenting will not be perfect, which means your kids will have issues with some of the things you do from time to time. An incredible gift you can give your kids is the gift of freedom from bitterness.

When you ask them, “how am I doing as a parent?” You are giving them an opportunity to share anything that is bothering them. Receive it, ask forgiveness, and then let them know that you love them and are committed to them for life!

This has been a Smalley Short, find more at smalleypodcast.com.

Starting a conversation with your spouse can be difficult, especially when you’re feelings are hurt. Your hands get sweaty, your mouth dries up, and usually, like most couples, you abandon the idea entirely.

But you don’t have to! Ask God to give you the right attitude and timing on when to talk with your spouse. And by the way, the right time is never during fun time or family outings.

When the moment finally arrives, a humble spirit is the best option. You can say, “Would it be okay if I shared something with you?” The reason you ask, is because you always want permission when potentially confronting an adult. If she says no, then you know the time is not right, and choose to wait in God’s patience.

This has been a Smalley Short, find more at smalleypodcast.com.

Jim and Sheri Mueller founded Growthtrac Ministries — a 501(c)(3) Christian, non-profit organization — in 2001. Jim and Sheri grew this ministry as they resourced the couples they mentored. Since its inception, Growthtrac was a one-stop resource for marriage and spiritual information, but early on expanded its vision from a marriage preparation focus to an expansive Christian-marriage resource.

Below is a list of some of the questions:

Good grief Jim! What aren’t you doing for marriages! Web articles, radio programming, interviews, Facebook, twitter…the list goes on and on and on. Where’s the motivation come from to accomplish all this?

How’d you come up with the url, growthtrac.com?

In your opinion, what is the most helpful aspect at growthtrac.com for couples?

EPISODE 23
Book Report on Real Marriage – What forgiveness is not

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

KEY VERSE

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

NOTES

When we are sinned against, we need to forgive quickly. Jesus’ words on this are haunting: “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.”a We cannot simply ask God to forgive our sins; we must also extend that same forgiveness to others. (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 91). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

It is important to note, however, what forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not denying, approving, or diminishing sin that is committed against us.
Forgiveness is not naivety.
Forgiveness is not enabling sin.
Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.
Forgiveness is not forgetting about sin committed against us.
Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of the transgression.
Forgiveness is not a one-time event.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (pp. 92-93). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Forgiveness is loving despite sin. (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 94). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

NEXT EPISODE

THIS EPISODE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

INTRO
This is Michael Smalley, the host of the Smalley Podcast: inspiration for your relationships!

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

KEY VERSE

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things..” 1 Corinthians 13:11 (Interesting that this is in the smack dab in the chapter on love!

NOTES

There is nothing wrong with being a boy, so long as you are a boy. But there is a lot wrong with being a boy when you are supposed to be a man. To paraphrase Paul: “When I was a boy, I talked like a boy, I thought like a boy, I reasoned like a boy. When I became a man, I put childish and boyish ways behind me.”a A lot of guys fight the transition from boy to man because they despise responsibility. Enabling this type of guy are a legion

Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 43). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Tough and Tender

Honor your wife emotionally and physically

Here are a few practical tips for husbands in addition to some of the things mentioned above:
As the family leader, model humility, honesty, repentance, service, study, and worship. Your life preaches at least as loudly as your words, so teach and model humble godliness by the grace of God.
Make sure everyone in your family has a good, age-appropriate Bible that they regularly read. Read the Bible yourself and with them so they are encouraged to read on their own.
Buy good Christian books for everyone in your family to read. Include Christian biographies among those books.
Choose good books that you and your wife can be reading together, including books of the Bible, and discuss what you are learning.
Have dinner together with your family most nights, and use that time to pray together, keep a journal log of prayer requests for other people, and read a portion of the Bible and talk about it together.
Place a hand on the head of each of your children every day and pray over them. Then kiss them on the head and make sure they often get a loving hug.

Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 63). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

NEXT EPISODE

Taking out the trash: forgiveness!

THIS EPISODE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

NOTES

EPISODE 20
A book report: Real Marriage: the truth about sex, friendship, and life together; Friends with Benefits (Chapter 2)

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

KEY VERSE

“This is my beloved, and this is my friend.” Song of Songs 5:16

NOTES

Chapter 1 is their life story – pretty awesome testimony and worth a read!

Chapter 2: Friend with benefits:
The chapter is basically about how to develop a friendship with each other.

“But by the grace of God, Luther had an epiphany that changed not only his life but also the lives of countless others. While studying the Bible, he learned that righteousness is a gift God gives by grace from and faith in Jesus Christ and not something earned or merited through human religious and moral performance. (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (pp. 19-20). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

“One of the reasons Martin gave for his marriage was to spite the devil, which is perhaps the least romantic statement ever uttered.” (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 20). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

BUT BY THE END OF THEIR MARRIAGE THEY WEREN’T JUST FRIENDS, BUT LOVERS WHO TRULY CARED FOR EACH OTHER.

“Husbands and wives who want their marriages to be enduring and endearing must be friends.” (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 24). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

“Friendship is costly in everything— time, energy, emotion, and sometimes money.” (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 26). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

“In closing, the earnest pursuit of a good marriage can quickly become overwhelming there are so many things to work on. We, too, have felt this anxiety: Where do we start? How can we possibly work on spirituality, communication, scheduling, sex, spirituality, finances, family-of-origin issues, and so forth, all at once? But we’ve also found that by always working on our friendship, the rest of marriage seems to sort itself out in time. So we would commend to you the goal of devoting the rest of your life to being a better friend to your spouse.” (Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 41). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

NEXT EPISODE
The chapter: Men and marriage
leave your parents’ home;
finish your education or vocational training;
start a career-track job, not a dead-end-Joe job;
meet a woman, love her, honor her, court her, and marry her;
parent children with her (Gen. 2:24).

(Driscoll, Mark (2012-01-03). Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (p. 42). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.)

THIS EPISODE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

MUSIC
10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1
Tesh Sleigh Ride

SOUNDBOARD
I love lamp

INTRO
This is Michael Smalley, the host of the Smalley Podcast: inspiration for your relationships!

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

ILLUSTRATION
There were 81 million results from a google search on the golden rule. From Zen Buddhism to the International order of the Golden Rule, everyone has thoughts and opinions on it.

It was really interesting that the founder of the Golden Rule (God), was no where near the first page of the results!

KEY VERSE
Matthew 7:12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” NLT

NOTES
If you’re going to live out the Golden Rule, you’d better start with the Holy Spirit! This is a God thing, not a “you” thing.

Memorize 1 Cor. 13 – it’s your attitude’s game plan

Take lots of time-outs, if you need them.

If the issue you have is a criticism, let it go. If its a feeling or need try and share.

Use boundaries. They will protect you.

NEXT EPISODE
Surviving Christmas – Be who you want your family to be

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out why over 96% of our former clients would recommend our 1, 2, or 3 day marriage intensive to a friend or family member in need of help. Rediscover happiness at SmalleyCenter.com.

MUSIC
10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1
Tesh Sleigh Ride

SOUNDBOARD
Most annoying sound in the world

INTRO
This is Michael Smalley, the host of the Smalley Podcast: inspiration for your relationships!

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out what our 1, 2, or 3 day intensives can do for your relationship at SmalleyCenter.com.

ILLUSTRATION
We have to understand what people (family) are capable of and what they are not capable of. My friend from last night and her boss, and even my own family.

KEY VERSE
Micah 6:8 “No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good,
and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God.”

NOTES
There’s a difference between healthy expectations: being loved, cared for, validated, friendship, kindness, etc. and unhealthy ones: perfection, never going to hurt me, and things people have proven to be unsuccessful with.

How do you adjust your expectations? Identify them, rehearse what you’ll do, actively choose to let it go, give it time.

NEXT EPISODE
Surviving Christmas – Be who you want your family to be

THIS EPISODE BROUGHT TO YOU BY
The Smalley Center, find out what our 1, 2, or 3 day intensives can do for your relationship at SmalleyCenter.com.

1. Why I’m doing this
2. What you will get
3. How you can interact with the show